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Last month, Ben ended his school year as a student in an inclusive therapeutic classroom program for 4-5 year olds.  Eighteen children attended, five days a week.  Nine of the children needed support in some way and were in “referred” positions, nine children do not need such support and held “non-referred” positions.  And the stunning thing is that you could not tell who was who. 

 

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Ben

 

Hi!  I am Ben’s mom.  Last month, Ben ended his school year as a student in an inclusive therapeutic classroom program for 4-5 year olds.  Eighteen children attended, five days a week.  Nine of the children needed support in some way and were in “referred” positions, nine children do not need such support and held “non-referred” positions.  And the stunning thing is that you could not tell who was who. 

Just one of the many things that made Ben’s class so extraordinary is the consistent application of principles and classroom management strategies that his teachers used every day. As you may imagine, a fundamental goal of this program is teaching children appropriate social, emotion, cognitive, language and motor skills.  It was not uncommon to hear children saying to each other, maybe with a teacher alongside, maybe not – “Stop that.  I don’t like it when you push!  Go around me.”   It was a safe place…emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually every day of the week.

No matter your size or age, people have feelings.  And for those of you who care for or know young children, they are no exception to the rule.  Perhaps the stakes are even higher when working with children precisely because they are learning about feelings and how to safely and assertively express them.  Ben’s teachers worked diligently to teach the children not only about feelings, but what to do with them.   Each child was taught that it’s okay to have strong feelings and that it’s alright to express those feelings as long as it’s in a safe and respectful way. 

The children were exposed to various ways of expressing their feelings ranging from self-talk such as telling themselves: “I’m okay, I can handle this” to deep breathing to yoga. 

Recently, over the course of several days, I interviewed my son about his feelings on various subjects.  This is what he shared with me:

Hi, my name is Ben.  I used to be four, but now I am five years old.   I’m about ready to start kindergarten and I’m really excited.  We’re counting down the days on a paper chain that we made.  Each day, we take a chain off until there aren’t any more days to go!

My favorite colors are blue and purple.  I live with my sister, mommy and daddy.  We have a fish named Valentine.  I like to build the things that I think up.  I can build things from Quibits (bendable plastic building blocks) that no one else can…things like rockets and satellites!

My favorite thing to do in my backyard is to push my trucks around.  I do it because it feels good; it exercises my leg muscles out.  I also like to swing.  On the playground, I like to play on all kinds of equipment.  I’m still learning how to do the monkey bars.

I love, love, love to play with K’nex (miniature connecting building pieces) and Legos.  I can make a fence or lots of different machines with wheels.  I can also make helicopters.  My Lego planes and K’nex planes look different, but that’s okay.  I can come up with any idea!

My favorite food is macaroni and cheese.  I like all kinds of music, especially classical music; I like the kind that sounds happy.  I don’t really like the kind that has words (opera) though.  At nighttime, I like to play my harmonica when Mommy reads bedtime stories to my sister.  We sit on the sofa and I play music that matches what’s happening in the story.   Sometimes I play soft music and other times, I play loud music.  Sometimes I play at lot of notes really fast.  I like to pretend.  I’m pretty good on the harmonica.

 I’m a happy kid.  You can tell because I like to smile.  It’s my favorite feeling to have.  I can’t really tell you what it feels like inside to be happy, but it’s good…very good.

One of the things that I am working on is learning how to share my toys with my sister.  I’m getting better at this every day! 

When my little sister tries to come into my bedroom, I get worried.   I keep my special things in my bedroom.  Some are things that I’ve made and they’re breakable.  I get worried because she might break them.  I also get worried that she might try to eat some of my small toys and get sick.  I tell her that I don’t like it when she goes into my bedroom by herself.  I do feel better when she’s with Mommy or Daddy.  And I do like it when she comes in and watches me build things.  I let her play with my stuffed animals. 

The other night, when she couldn’t find her green blanket at bedtime, I told her she could use mine.  I love her and she loves me.

When I’m angry, I go to my bedroom and then I start working on a new K’nex (creation).  I like my “alone time”…that’s what we call it.  Sometimes I sit on my bed and look at books.  Sometimes I need to sit on the step, especially if I hurt someone out of my “angry juice.” (A family reference for spill-over anger.)   Hitting isn’t okay if you’re angry.  If you’re angry, you can hit a pillow, bang a pillow or whack a pillow.  It’s okay to throw dirt as long as you’re by yourself, hit golf balls or even sugar balls (our name for the Sweet Gum tree seed pods that resemble tiny balls with spikes).  (Ben then proceeded to hit about 20 to show me what it would look like.)  It’s not okay to write with permanent marker on the wall or hit when you get mad.  Even if I’m angry, sometimes I want to be with people.  But it’s good to be able to be with people or alone.  That way you can decide what you need.

Sometimes I get hurt and I cry.   Mommy or Daddy helps me by holding me and giving me hugs and kisses.  It makes me feel happy.  I was sad when I had to leave my preschool (in May.)  Mommy and me talked about it.  It helped me feel better about it.  My teacher also told everyone in my class that we can come back to visit any time we like.   That helped me a lot when she said that.  When I asked if Ben it’s a good thing to be able to talk about all of these feelings to someone, he replied “Yup!”  Then he said, “I can always talk with my Mommy or Daddy.”

I love extreme weather, but when I hear that there’s a chance of a thunderstorm, I always worry.  My body goes like this (he shows me his tensed body).  Sometimes I worry too much for nothing and then I remember what Mommy said to me: “A storm watch or warning doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen for sure.  Some people worry too much about it and then it never even happens; they forget to have fun!”  I don’t enjoy those watches and warnings.   After the watch or warning is over and I hear the music on my radio again, then I stop worrying about the people who might be affected and I start enjoying the music again.   I worry about those people who will be affected by the storm.  I care for everyone in the world.  When I hear a flood, tornado or hurricane watch or warning or anything, I worry.  But I do like hearing what’s going on.

And then, as quickly as the flood of ideas and thoughts came pouring forth from his little body, Ben looks over at me and says…I’m all done talking now.  The end.”

Thanks, Ben.  Just imagine how different our world could be if we took the time to teach every child how to safely and assertively express and release every feeling no matter the degree.

Ben’s teachers patiently encouraged the children in the class to identify their feelings as well as those of their classmates.  Careful and thoughtful coaching took place to ensure that each child knew how to express the range of feelings in an appropriate way.  Self-calming strategies were taught (deep breathing, saying “I can handle this”) to the children and practiced throughout the day with tremendous gain in personal esteem and self-identity.  Were you taught how to do this?  I know I wasn’t.

And so, many of us continue to chart our own courses.  We read self-help books, self-medicate and self-diagnose trying to figure out our own road maps.   Whether you choose to run marathons or meditate, what’s most important is taking the first step toward action.  Sometimes it takes a little while to figure out what is most helpful to you at any given time since some feelings don’t always work themselves out the first time or in the time frame we wish they might! 

And sometimes feelings speak to us of unmet needs, unmet desires, and unmet goals.  That is part of the slow and thoughtful learning process for all of us regardless of our age and life experiences.  When we take the time to listen to what our hearts are telling us and act on those feelings in a responsible manner, we show ourselves as well as those around us that strong feelings are okay.  That we can handle it.  And then we do.

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Written by Chris Reinhart


 

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